Ring, Grief, and other stuff

I have the luxury of knowing an acquaintance who is a freelance jeweller. He made our wedding bands when we got married. I went to see him about a month ago to have my solitaire engagement ring sized up slightly so that I could wear it on my right ring finger. While I was there I also took some other items to be repaired as well as our wedding bands, just to have them polished up. I wasn't sure what to do with them but after talking to him decided to have them melted into a ring that I was thinking about buying for myself. So I now have it and I am very pleased with it. It is a band with 10 tiny scattered diamonds on it. The 10 diamonds are significant in 2 ways, 1 in that they could represent what would have been our 10th wedding anniversary this year. However since he is not here to celebrate that milestone I can't really call it a 10 year anniversary band. However I knew him for 2 years before we got married and we were married for almost 8 years when he passed so I would like to think that those 10 little diamonds represent the 10 years that we knew each other. Maybe I will tak a picture and post it one day.

Today I went to see a counsellor about J as he still has a lot of deep rooted fears and has a hard time controlling his emotions and anger. So we are in the process of setting up some counselling sessions for him. What I didn't expect was how my grief started to come out in this meeting. In one month, we will have hit the 2 year mark and it is still shocking that G is no longer with us after a sudden heart attack. Anyway, the counsellor could see it was upsetting me and suggested that I should see a grief counsellor.
He just made me realize somehow that even though all along, I've been saying that i am fine and that the real challenge is being an "only " parent, the parenting issue is secondary and the root issue is grief. I 've never though of it that way as I've always felt that I've handled the grief ok. But what I am starting to realize is that actually I have been avoiding the grief and covering it up with the busyness of life with 2 young boys. Wow, what an eye opener almost 2 years later! So maybe I do need to talk to someone... about my anger, my "why" questions, my denial, my need to move to acceptance, and so much more...