A day of remembering our soldiers who fought for our country and lost their lives. In my mind also a day to remember a husband who lost his life to natural causes and is no longer with us on a statory holiday. Today was lonely..different than say Christmas or Easter as those celebrations are family times. Lonely because this is just another day off to just hang out and do nothing. We went out in the morning with friends so the kids could play and have lunch. However I was in no rush to get home after lunch as we had absolutely nothing planned for the rest of the day and coming home to an empty house did not appeal to me. Also my kids were very whiny/agitated today and it was depressing to think that I will be spending the rest of the day ALONE with them. Not that I don't want to be with them, but it is so draining having to take care of them on my own without anyone helping me. I don't want to be a single parent, I didn't ask to be a single parent and I never planned to be a single parent. I had dreams, dreams of having a nice family and doing things together. Now those dreams are shattered. No longer can I plan a vacation with my husband and take the kids somewhere fun together as a family. It just sucks. You think you are doing fine and then the pain of loneliness and loss rears its ugly head again. J's school assigment was to write a sentence with the word "remember" in it. I guess it was tied to the holiday. and he wrote "I remember when my dad died(but he didn't fight in the war)"
On a happy note, little R lost his 1st tooth a couple of days ago at only 4 3/4 years old. No more baby!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
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